He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
