He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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