Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
