the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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