As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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