I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
