I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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