Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
