Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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