Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
