My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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