I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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