I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need moral support for this bender
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
