Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
