Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
