My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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