When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
