I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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