i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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