omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
