That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
