I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize