i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
