Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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