John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
