i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He did a backflip because drugs
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