I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
