She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
