She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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