dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am naked and annoyed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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