She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
