sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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