I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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