So drunk its hurt
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
