i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
