It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
