If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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