Sry I called you an 8
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
