North Korea, Best Korea!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize