the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
