dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
