white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
