at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize