he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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