Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
