So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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