You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
