And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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