does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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