Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
