I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
