you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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