My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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