OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
