the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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