she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
