She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
