Screwed.edu
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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