Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is wine microwaveable?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
