all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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