my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize