at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
