you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
