kristin has been a bad kristin
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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