So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
