i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
