The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He better not be in your backpack
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
