happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
