Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
