I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
