I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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