If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
