It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
