all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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