i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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