I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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