sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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