If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize