I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
