I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
