I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
