The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
