last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
