I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
