Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
