Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
