I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
