I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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