I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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