Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She made me pour olive oil on her.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
