i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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