I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
