Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
