You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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