He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
