just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize