The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
