I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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