My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
