just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
