my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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