Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
