i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
