and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
