My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
