your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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